Sublime Languages

Recent bombardments of words in varying forms of sarcasm, recitals, quotes, stanzas, assonances and verses, have worn me out.

It seems that those around me are either editing, copying writing, romanticising with verses, speaking in secret codes more surreal than that of Dan Brown’s De Vinci or they are simply squirting out ill-witted jibbery. Stop! Basta!

Example 1: Love Poem

Noon and the life of the deeply cool shadow
Whose day opens and folds the leaves of dark oak-wood swathes
Where I put us
Where I place us between the sun
By a certain kiss upon your boughs, the place where water meets and is sweeter than the drop of your kiss
between the soft noise of your sleep and of my dreams
It is sweet love tenderly embraced.
Some hath desired the sea
her vision of unlimited brine
The wind
The rising and stopping and throwing and colliding of each wave which is pursued in turn by the storm
grey and foamless
The tides and the groan where the front of the enormous was smoothly rushed forward toward your beauty and the oblivion of your inevitable surety
The line or insanity of the calmness where the lap of the thing upon which the hurricane dances and which is by us observed, is blown and stiffens as rigour
and perhaps in mortis.

Err….you’re suppose to woe the object of your love. Talk of tempest and death doesn’t mark a good beginning. Try again!

Example 2: A Twitter Message

“I love the photo of you in the green jumper smoking the cigarette looking thoughtful (slightly darkened room) most of all - your intelligence and reflectiveness apparent - and - somehow - it seems intimate, as if i've inadvertently strayed into your private domain whilst wondering around”

What green jumper? What the fuck are you talking about ?

Example 3: Facebook

I’d posted a comment in reponse to a gay friend’s photo post.

Ingo in the glades of southern Thailand

Jorge:

"Pues por todo un poco, desde luego la cara lo muestra bien claro... y el entorno es increíble.   Qué envidia me das en esa foto leche!!!!"

Van:

"No estoy mirando el entorno! Solamente la criatura!!!!"

Ingo:

"Jajajajaja, pues esto me viene muy bien, animos, jajajajaja es un rió en la jungla en el interior del sur de tailandia" 

Jorge:

"Algún día, si Dios quiere, lo veré...jajaja. Por cierto, a la criatura (como dice tu amiga)   también la veré algún día,  al menos eso espero. :)"

You idiot! You’re gay! And God wants it that way!

Example 4: An Old Friend

"I left the SAS to become a paediatric surgeon. I spent several years saving the lives of orphaned Romanian children. As part of my doctorate I discovered a natural substance which when combined with specialist techniques helped to relieve lower back problems in women and improve their skin tone. I sold this company to a multinational to found a charity devoted to helping Eastern European and Thai women at my very large house. I split my time between this and training to be an art therapist for bald eagles with low self-esteem. Recently I went to Alaska to learn how to breast feed baby seals in the ancient Inuit tradition."

Cutting sarcasm. Ouch that hurts!

Example 5: A Secret Admirer (response to my Candy blog)

“What is blog for? Self-confessionals? Vanity sites? Attention-seeking? 15 minutes of fame? A plea for recognition?”

Twat! You claim to be a Shakespearan actor! Do you read English?

It appears that everyone is communicating on different wave lengths, babbling about blurred subjects, as if the words had been dispersed whilst riding a merry-go-round in fairy land.

It’s hard enough trying to follow the day’s update from an excited eight year old daughter when she exits school. The tales are incoherent; subjects, time, persons and events diffused into a labyrinth of disconnecting sentences. Only an attentive ear and constant who? What? When? Why? can the mystery be resolved.

As much as I enjoy deciphering the language of children, when grown ups do this, it’s extremely baffling. Understanding the courtship rituals of the Great Crested Warbler would be a stroll in comparison.

All I can say is: Come haste with flowers and take me far from this madding crowd!

(Well, if you can’t beat them, join them!)